We can't believe that it's already been 9 years of marriage for us. What a full and wonderful time it has been. Here we are back then...9 years ago today...this part of our church's campus doesn't even exist anymore. There is now a big building behind where we are standing in this photo.
Ah, look at us...so young...so thin...so much more hair then (both of us). Also much more well-rested (not having the kids then, of course).
Here we are, just this past Saturday (see what I mean about both of us having less hair? Even I cut mine off). We had a wonderful dinner at a restaurant located in the Lodge on the Desert resort.
Behold our steak dinner.
Well, this was mine -- Bryan got exactly the same thing (we still have the same tastes in food!). I'd never had such a fancy steak! So I had to be a dork and take a picture. (Don't worry, I waited until I thought no one was looking.)
It doesn’t seem like it’s been nearly a decade – we have been together for a decade, married for 9 years – yet at the same time it feels like 9 years ago was a lifetime ago. Today, when I think of "nine years ago", I think of that we slept well. Ha ha! Well, we were sans enfants then, so of course we got to sleep whenever we wanted to. Anyone without children gets more rest than those of us with young ones waking up in the night, wanting us to sleep with them, playing musical beds…I wonder where these examples are coming from?
I am thankful that we waited five years to add children to our marriage. We had a lovely time together during those first five years. Of course we had our bad days and times – the summer Bryan broke his neck and back was not lovely – the summer my mother nearly died of a brain aneurysm was not lovely – but through those times we did grow stronger. But the time we went to Disneyland together was awesome, and our spring in Paris (ah, Pair-eee) was wonderful! We got along beautifully – I remember people warning me that the first year of marriage would be difficult, so I braced myself and waited for it. Nope, we were fine. No big surprises, thanks to our solid friendship we had before we ever started dating and thanks to our thorough pre-marital counseling at church. He threw his clothes on the floor sometimes, just like I did – he didn’t make the bed, just like I didn’t. He liked to help me cook dinner and then he’d wash dishes. He liked my cat. He let me have the bigger closet. He made bubble baths for me when I’d come home from a long day of school. We bought our first home and tackled home improvement projects…and had a blast.
So then I was told, “Well, it’s the second year that’s tough.” Okay. I’d started graduate school, then realized this was not where I wanted to be. I was a French major and was told that I needed to go abroad again in order to “assure success in the program”. Bryan said, “well, you can go abroad, or we can remodel the kitchen.” I wanted the kitchen. So I pulled out of graduate school, got a job to start paying off school loans, and we were happy as clams. I do remember a misunderstanding regarding the kitchen remodel…big lesson for me to not question a man who has worked endlessly all weekend on a project…but it was nothing that we couldn’t work through.
Year Three brought him trying to kill himself in a biking accident (well it wasn’t intentional on his part, but I tease him that it was so) – the aforementioned neck-and-back-breaking. That was a rough several months – not only did we have Bryan’s recovery, but I ended up with Post-Traumatic-Stress-Disorder and had to go through counseling and treatments. Still, we were strong in the end.
Year Four brought me paying off my school loans, quitting my job, finishing home improvement projects, and spending a month in Wichita after my mother miraculously survived a burst brain aneurysm. (We did make it to Paris that year, though!) I told Bryan later – NO MORE dramatic summers!! Year Five HAS to be ALL GOOD!! Of course we laughed because we knew that we had no control over any of these things. If anything, we were greatly mindful of the sovereignty of God.
And Year Five was awesome. We had our little Ben just a few months after our 5th anniversary. Just like we’d planned – to wait five years and then have a baby. We couldn’t believe it actually worked out that way, but it did. Oh that sweet baby boy. We love him so much. We have rarely gotten a good nights’ sleep since he was born. Year Six was spent adjusting to having little Ben…Year Seven we welcomed little Sam…Year Eight was spent adjusting to having both little Ben and little Sam…Year Nine we spent still trying to get some sleep.
Adding children certainly adds stress, blessings though they are. Our most difficult times have been since we’ve had the boys. I think that children are God’s way of purifying parents – both personally and in their marriage. In both marriage and parenting relationships, we are to continually “die to self” – which goes against the grain of every natural inclination in our beings!! I thought I might not be quite so selfish…then I became a mother. Then I learned what it was like to never be able to depend on eating or sleeping exactly when I wanted to – it also depended on the needs of another tiny little being, one who was helpless and really needed me.
Add to this mix the post-partum problems that I encountered with each of the pregnancies. It isn’t just the mommies that suffer this – the daddies do, too, because they have to deal with the children (just as the mommy does), and then they have to figure out how to deal with the mommy. And mommy doesn’t always know what is going on either…so both parents are kind of blundering around, trying to make sure the kids are fed and cared for, that somehow sleep is obtained, dishes and laundry are somewhat done, and not having a clue what in the world is going on and how in the world to fix it.
These past few years, needless to say, have been a blur. I think – I hope – we are on the “upswing” of all of this! That we can look forward to taking a deep breath (maybe getting some sleep?) and enjoying our kids, one another, and this life God has given us together. Because it is a blessed life, and around every corner He has shown us how He’s cared for us.
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