Serving in Weakness

As our fall/school year activities start up this week, both my husband and I resume serving in ministries that we love.  We had a nice summer break, but I think we're ready for some more structure to our lives!  However, starting back up is always daunting to me -- I think, "Can we really do it this year?  With all the responsibilities that we already have on our plate?"

Then He reminds me: "'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness...'" (2 Corinthians 12:9)  I love these verses.  I always try to  "disqualify" myself from ministry.  My argument goes something like this:

"I can't lead a small group for Bible study...I lose my patience with my kids.  I can barely find the energy to finish the laundry.  I'm still recovering from post-partum depression, and my baby is TWO.  Years, that is.  Not months.  I need to lose at least 10 pounds and I don't have the motivation to DO anything about that.  How can I serve when I am such a mess?"

And what does this passage of Scripture (meaning, GOD) say to this argument?

Well, verse 9 of 2 Corinthians 12 continues with the apostle Paul saying: "...Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.  That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties.  For when I am weak, then I am strong." (that last sentence is verse 10)

So this crazy thing happens when I let God use little messed-up me.  His power rests on me.  (I am getting goosebumps.)  Yes, He works through me....in me....as He ministers to others through me (which still boggles my mind), He does a great work IN me, too.  He is ministering to ME.  It's wonderful...it's not easy, but it's wonderful.  There's a lot of faith involved, what I call a lot of "blind service."  "Blind" in that sometimes I feel as if I'm bumbling along in my ministries and I don't know if what I'm doing is any good or very effective -- but at least I know that I am being obedient to His calling on my life, whether or not I understand. 

And I learned a long time ago that when it comes to how God works, understanding isn't important.  Obedience is.