Random things I've learned since I've been sick...

...in no particular order:

1. People in the medical profession are absolutely amazing.  I could never do what they do.  And I'm so thankful that they know how to do what they do.
2. Kidney failure really messes up your taste buds.  So does chemotherapy. Or maybe it's the steroids.
3. When on a low-sodium diet, one realizes everything contains sodium.  (Also, sodium is what makes everything yummy.)
4. Hot chocolate makes the yuckiest, chalkiest pills go down easily.
5. Steroids make my face very puffy and round.
6. Help from family and friends is like a hug from God.  (Sounds cheesy, but really...it's true.)
7. Naps really do make everything better.
8. No matter how sick I am, ice cream always makes life seem more bearable.
9. I do not look good with a round, puffy face.
10. Coffee really is my favorite.  Even when it didn't taste good to me.  (see #1)  (I just "made do" with hot chocolate until coffee tasted good again.)

There are more...I'll share as they come to me.  Oh yes, people, I am a fount of wisdom these days.  

(If you are confused, see my last post about how my kidney beans failed me.)

Tale of My Kidney Beans

I know that I haven’t posted in a while…okay, it’s been nearly four months!  I've had good reason, though (this time).  Well, the first month I was just “busy with life” – all the fall activities started up, our schedule changed, and of course writing fell off the priority list quickly. 

But then, very randomly, I became sick.  Not “cold” sick, but very ill.  It’s kind of a long story, but what I thought was starting out as some sort of infection, then maybe pregnancy (which it was NOT), turned out to be, of all things, kidney failure.  By October, I knew something was very wrong (I had extreme fatigue and nausea, among other things), and it took until nearly the end of October (and a hospital stay, including a biopsy of one of my kidneys) to get a diagnosis. 

So I've been recovering from an auto-immune kidney illness that is called ANCA Vasculitis, with a secondary diagnosis of IgA Nephropathy (another auto-immune illness).  I am not a medical person, and I have never had any kidney problems in my life, nor has anyone in my family, so I am still trying to make heads and tails of this thing.  So don’t ask me to try to explain it very well, because I can’t!  All I know is that for no particular reason, my body decided to attack my kidneys and shut them down.  By the time I made it into the hospital, my kidneys were only functioning at 12%.  It was crazy!  Here I am, a healthy 35-year-old, with failing kidneys.

Me and my Ben, just before I became ill.

But praise God!  I am going to get better, and I am getting better.  The treatment for this illness is daily oral doses of steroids (Prednisone) and chemotherapy (Cytoxan).  And of course I’m taking all kinds of other medications to help off-set the side effects of the steroids and chemo.  The medications are working, though – blood work last week showed that my kidney function is up to approximately 40%.  Also, the doctor believes I will make a full recovery, without any long-term damage to my kidneys.  He is calling this an “acute kidney injury”, versus a “chronic kidney disease.”  So that is comforting. 

Life has certainly changed in our house.  I didn't realize how much I did each day, until I couldn't do anything.  My sweet mother-in-law, Judy, came down from Montana on November 1^st to stay with us, and she is still here.  She said she’ll be with us until I am well.  Judy is my new hero.   She takes care of my boys and my house with as much care as if they are her own.  I know that she is enjoying this extended time with her grandsons, who she wouldn't normally have been able to spend so much time with.  (I know God has many “hidden” blessings in this!)  But she has already been over a month away from her own home, her husband and her life in Montana, and I know that must be difficult at times.  She never complains.  She smiles and says she wants to be here. 

Judy and the boys, on Mt. Lemmon

My church family has been amazing, too.  A dear girlfriend of mine arranged for meals for us, and for the past 5-6 weeks, we've had meals coming in four times a week.  It has been such a blessing to not have to worry about dinner.  Plus all the prayers, cards of encouragement, and support have been humbling and overwhelming. 

I've seen God’s hand of provision and blessing in all of this.  Oh don’t get me wrong, it kind of sucks to be sick like this – but to see everything being taken care of without me is a blessing I can’t describe well enough.  It helps me to be able to relax and get the rest I need, which is helping me to recover. 

No, I’m not getting much done these days.  There are some days where getting a shower and changing clothes is my big accomplishment.  Other days, it’s a trip to the store, or maybe even a dinner out.  Tonight, I made dinner for the first time in several weeks, and it felt so good!  (And I got so tired.)

 

I had to drop out of ministries at church and BSF for the time being, which was very difficult for me (though, being so ill, I couldn't do them anyway).  And for these things, it mostly had to do with the chemotherapy – they don’t want me working around children, and at church that is all that I do.  What a great time to under chemotherapy – right in the middle of cold and flu season!  Yay for suppressed immune systems!

In all of these unexpected changes and challenges, I am so grateful for the hope of a full recovery.  I am grateful that I do not have cancer, or a chronic kidney disease, or that I didn't need dialysis or a transplant – I am grateful that I will LIVE!!  That was one thing that was scary to me in the beginning – not knowing what was happening to me, and wondering how bad it really was.  I can handle this temporary “sabbatical” (as my husband jokingly called it), and I have learned to humbly accept the help that we greatly need. 

As my health improves, I hope to post more – I do have thoughts, events, and even stitching to share.  I am unable to do any stitching these days, but I did finish up a few things over the summer before I got sick.  Of course my boys provide endless hours of entertainment and challenges – they are such a joy.  I think ages three and five are (so far) the most fun. 

Their new favorite thing - riding bikes.

I have so much to be thankful for, and so much to get well for!!  And so much to praise God for.  

"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

(Isaiah 41:10)

Ben and Fluid "Damics"

One afternoon at lunch, Ben was taking a big drink from his cup.  It was the kind of cup with the lid and straw.  (We are slowly graduating from sippy cups to regular cups.  I don't trust him with open cups right now.)  He took a big drink, then slowly let the juice back down into the cup, then took a big drink and finally swallowed it all.

I was watching him, wondering what he was thinking about, when suddenly he looks up and says:

"Mom, how come when I suck the drink up my straw, it goes really fast up the straw, but it goes down really slow in the cup?"

Dark brown eyes with their long curly lashes, staring at me expectantly.  He's adorable.

Huh?

This was not what I was expecting from my adorable four-year-old.

And I knew it was a science-y type question, and I am not a scientist.  I studied French, and English Literature.  I could tell him what cup, straw, and drink were in French, but I was not up on my fluid dynamics and volume displacement theories.

So I told him that I didn't know, and that we should ask Daddy about it that night at dinner.  Well, we forgot about it.  Some time later (several days, I am not sure), he asked the same question again at lunch time, and again I told him that I didn't know, and that we needed to ask Daddy about it.

Finally, a few nights ago at dinner, Ben remembered to ask his question.  Bryan was surprised, and asked him if he'd been watching a show that talked about that (Ben likes Sid the Science Kid and sometimes they talk about stuff like that in the show), and Ben said no, he just saw it happening in his cup.

So Bryan began to pontificate about the workings of fluid dynamics, and actually did a good job (I thought, anyway) of breaking it down in four-year-old terms.  Ben seems to understand, gets excited about it, and true to form, suddenly interrupts his father.

"DAD!" (he's very emphatic when he interrupts) "Dad! Can you talk about the damics part now?"  (as if to say, "I'm done with all this fluid stuff, get to the good part about damics!")

With no time to think, I burst out laughing.  Ben realizes he's said something funny, so he repeats himself.

We try to get him to say "dy-nam-ics"...the best he can do is "dy-man-ics".  Good enough.

So if Ben ever tries to tell you how Dad taught him all about damics, or dymanics, you'll know where he got it from.

Sam's "Problems"

It’s true.  Three-year-olds have problems.  Struggles, really.  Especially newly-turned-three-year-olds.  Coming to the age of three, up from the age of two, is an emotional event.  There is a whole new world of expectations and discoveries.  I can barely remember being so little, but I do remember feeling small and uncertain about what was going on around me.

It's not easy being three.  Or green.

Wait.  He isn't green.  Thank goodness.  (I hid the markers.)

Actually, growing up isn't easy at all.  I don't envy the little people.  

First problem: holding up three fingers.  Learning coordination to hold the pinky finger under the thumb is difficult.  Holding up two fingers is much easier.  Or four fingers.  Now Sam accidentally shows people that he’s four.  When we try to help him with showing three fingers, he gets frustrated and angry.  So we’ll let people be confused when they ask him how old he is, and he says “free” while holding up four fingers.  There could be bigger issues.  Let the little man learn.

Second problem: forks.  We can never seem to give him the correct fork.  Since Sam wants to do everything exactly the same as Big Brother Ben, we (as dumb parents) assume that he’ll want the same utensil that Ben has.  WRONG.  I give him the same type of fork as Ben.  (salad fork)  I am greeted with a high-pitched, whiny “NOOOOOO….EYE WUN BOOOOO FORK!!”  Oh  my.  The blue toddler fork.  How could I have missed this? 

Third problem: pee-pee.  It is way more fun to play than to take time to go pee-pee in the toilet.  (And what adult does not know this?  Who can join me in raising their hand to holding it for an extra 30 minutes just 'cause you didn't want to get up?)  Sam loves to wear his Spider-Man underwear, not pull-ups.  This is not good when he suddenly starts shrieking “PEE-PEE!!!” as he runs to the toilet, having already wet himself.  Yet, five minutes before, he absolutely refused to have a “pee-pee check” when Mama asked.  “No, no, there NO pee-pee!” he insisted.  (Another problem: denial.) 

Fourth problem: Big Brother Ben is taller.  He can hold toys up over his head, out of Sam’s reach.  (We are working with Ben on his sharing issues.  Also on Sam.  They both have sharing issues, as most people do.)  However, currently, to Sam – his problem is not sharing, it is that he is not as tall as Big Brother Ben.  Daddy and Mama think that this problem will quickly be resolved – just give him a few years.  He may even outgrow BBB.

Fifth problem: Quick thinking.  Known to the parents as “Indecisiveness.”  However, to Sam, we are just slow.  For example, breakfast.  “What would you like for breakfast, Sam?”  He says toast.  So I make him toast.  Meanwhile, Ben comes in and announces that he’d like some cereal.  So I make cereal for Ben.  When I put the toast in front of Sam, again I am greeted with the high-pitched, whiny “NOOOOOO….EYE WUN EAR-EEE-ULLL!!” As if to say, “duh Mom, didn’t you know that once Ben says he wants cereal, that immediately makes my prior request of toast null and void??” 

I wish I had Sam’s problems.  I will never again have the first problem: I ran out of enough fingers to announce my age about 25 years ago.  However, I can imagine that if I live for another 40-50 years, I might devolve into the last four problems.  Funny how we come full circle, huh?  Oh dear.  I hope Jesus comes back first.  I would hate to think that I would argue with someone about a fork.

Also, dear little Sam, I know that your struggles are big to you.  I just pray that your struggles are never too big for you to conquer - that you'll never stop trying to work through them, or around them, or over them.  However you decide to attack them.  You are one strong little man.

Deep Thoughts from Ben

I haven't done a "Ben-ism" post in a while.  He is four-and-three-quarters years old (but who is keeping track?) and he is full of knowledge, observations and mostly...questions.

"Mom, I have something to tell you, Mom.  I need to tell you something."  (this with a grave look on his face, dark brown eyes staring right into mine)

"What do you need to tell me, Ben?"

"I just went pee-pee, and I did wash my hands, but I didn't use soap, because there wasn't that many germs."

He is already figuring out ways to cut corners...we are working on this.

"But Mom, why can't we see the germs?  And what color are the germs?  Why are germs so mean?"  (We have an episode of Super Why to thank for this conversation.)

---------------------------------------------------

On another day, while driving home from preschool, Ben says matter-of-fact-ly from the back seat:

"Sam is two."

"Yes Ben, Sam is two years old."

"So...when he has his birthday, then...he will be three!"

"Yes!  Good job on your numbers, Ben."

"But..." (I glance into the rear view mirror and see his brow furrow in thought) "...when Sam is three...then...he will be Ben."

????

I am not sure how to respond to this.  I am not sure what he is thinking.

"Ben...when Sam turns three years old, he will still be Sam.  Sam will always be Sam.  He will just grow!"

(Brow furrowed deeper...thinking...)  "But...how can he not be Ben?"

"Well...because he is Sam.  Do you want to have another Ben?"

"No."  (I was relieved to hear this.)

"Do you want Sam to stay Sam?"

"Yes!"  (more relief)

"Okay, then.  Sam will always be Sam - he is just going to grow, and learn, and talk better!"  I think part of Ben's dilemma is that he cannot imagine Sam not being baby-like.

Thankfully, Ben seems relieved.  I think he kind of likes his little brother.

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A girlfriend of mine is having a baby soon.  Ben asked why her belly "is so big."

So I tell him, "Her belly is not big - she has a baby growing inside her belly, and that baby is getting big!"

"So he's stretching out his mama's belly?"

"Yes."

"Did me and Sam stretch out your belly too?"

"Yes, you did.  But you couldn't help it - babies have to grow, and that is how God designed it all to happen."

"Yeah...'cause your belly is already big.  Why did Sam stretch it out so much?"

Thanks a lot Ben!!!  And he's already laying blame on little brother, even though Ben was the larger of the two, at a whopping nine pounds.  (Sam was "'only" eight pounds.)

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I'll save the other deep thoughts for another time.  I feel like I need to go re-do my ab workout today.

The Man in Our House

He's kind of a big deal in our world.

Dad.

Da-da.

Daddy.

Bryan.

For one thing, he is the strongest person in the house.  Lifting little boys over his head with no problem, even as said boy is pulling around...wire?  What is that?  I don't know.  (We practice safety in our home, as you can see.)  And by the way, Ben WAS happy here - I caught him in a weird moment with my camera.  He wanted Daddy to lift him again, and again, and again.

Oh, and he's doing this with another little boy breathing and slobbering into his face.  Pretty awesome.

Also he is the official Tickler of the house.  Able to tickle two little boys, upside down, at the same time.  Amazing!

Skills.  Girls like guys with skills.  And my guy has LOTS of skills.

(Napoleon, anyone?  Are you with me?  I know Bryan is.)

Also, he is Cuddler Extraordinaire.  Little Sam was pretty sick in this photo, and he just wanted to be with his Daddy.  So Daddy just let him be.  And all was well with little Sam.  Sometimes there is no greater comfort to our boys than just sitting/laying with their Daddy.  Or, if it's Ben, it's asking him endless questions about God, or the world, or space, or anything else that Ben can think of in order to stall bedtime.

Bryan's patience is practically endless.

For Father's Day, they expressed their love and appreciation by choosing a gift that represented their special and meaningful relationship with their father...

What else, but a Cookie Monster t-shirt?  Nothing else would do.  Bryan wore it proudly...to church!  And all day.  And maybe even to bed that night.  I can't remember that far back...I was sleeping.

Which reminds me...he still gets up with the boys at night if they have a "daddy emergency"....like a bad dream, or a need to go pee and tell him all about it, or that they are too hot/cold/awake...this is amazing because Mama sleeps through this.  I don't know how he hears them.  It's as if once my babies get past the infant/middle-of-the-night-feeding stages, I am deaf to them in the night.  I think that they just know that Daddy can fix just about ANYTHING, and Mama is not much use to them until the morning, when they are hungry and waiting for their breakfast and chocolate milk.

He was born on Father's Day, actually, so he gets quite spoiled during this week!  (Kind of like my birthday and Christmas!)  And we had fun spoiling him.  All the usual father-ly-type gifts like electric trimmer, car radio, clothes...nothing terribly huge but all useful and much-needed!  (His 2002 Corolla had a cassette player...and Bry's got a 25-mile round-trip to his job every day.  Yeah.  It was time for an upgrade.)

And now that I've totally embarrassed him for the year, I'll stop bragging on him now.  He would rather fade into background and not be noticed.  Ever.  But, he married me, and I talk a lot.  And when I can't talk, I write.  Therefore I blog.  And since he's got SO MANY SKILLS...he's going to be talked about.

So, thank you

Strong Man

Tickler

Cuddler

Fixer and Comforter of all problems

I hope we, your family, can bless you as much as you bless us every day.

I love you.

Belated IHSW update

(Link in case the pic's link doesn't come through...)

This is late because...well...I didn't get much stitching done this past weekend, and we were busy with Father's Day stuff.  You know, celebrating the awesome father-like man in our house.  My hubby.  We also had his birthday to celebrate today, so it's been a fun few days.  I'll do another post on that later.

So, as I said, I didn't get much done.  I am working on Country Cottage Needlework's "June Cottage."

My progress as of Friday night:

It looks "orange-y" because I took this photo by the lamp light, not day light.

 And my progress as of Monday night (I took an extra day since I had so little time on the weekend!):

I am hoping to finish this by months' end!  So far I've been able to finish the Cottage of the Month by the end of its actual month - can't seem to keep ahead!  Oh well, it isn't as if I've got two fun little boys to play with too!